He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
