Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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