Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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