he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
