we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize