just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
