Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
