you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
