I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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