Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
