No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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