Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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