Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
