Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
