I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I deserve this hangover.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
