My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
