He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
