Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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