guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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