Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
