were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
