Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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