If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
