Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
