I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
