how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
