That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
