Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
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i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
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Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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