Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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