Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
