I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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