My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
