Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
