she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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