They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
