my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
