oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
