Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?