he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.