i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.