Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.