Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
