My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.