So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
