We need to rekindle our bromance
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
