sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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