1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
