I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
