Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
