is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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