Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
