Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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