well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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