they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
