I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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