Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I could make wine with my vomit
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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