Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh god it's open bar.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
