Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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