I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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