i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
