He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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