I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
