Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
