he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
