I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
