I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
