oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Little spoons don't ask big questions
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
