So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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