i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Two words: nipple clamps
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