nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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