I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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