Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
