I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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