I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
