What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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