You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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