I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
