We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
