The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
