If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
