My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
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Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
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There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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