she woke up with a sticky ear
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
