It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So. Much. Porn.
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