I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
